ah xanga...my long lost friend. Myspace has not completely devored you yet? a lot has been going on one could say. I'm facing my past, dealing with it. I've been out of the house for 4 months now. It's not easy...everyday is much more of a struggle. I'm falling apart. I'm slowly descending. People tell me i'm intelligent, i have a good head on my shoulders. I'm deep. Well intelligence is a curse....is it not the intelligent ones that kill themselves? They see the horrors of the world. They see societies deluded images. They through it all. I also have. I never want to be like them....idiotic drones. They do anything so their horn will get tooted. If someone else doesn't eventually they will toot their own horn. People care so much about what others think, it's almost sick...scratch that it IS sick. Who gives a shit honestly one person?!?! one fucking person? do you know how many people are in the world and people are willing to let one persons opinion change them and give them "issues" There's always another person out there that thinks our fucking rad to cancel out the asshole that told u your not. People all i can say is be true to yourself....deal with ur issues your own way...don't let others tell u how to heal....healing is a process in which only you can partake in. Everything is last at sea for me.....painful as fuck a nightmare and a struggle everyday but i'm still fucking going....Everyday, every moment every breathe i grow more and more hatred for the human race....they way they act how fragile our minds are. I've been sitting back taking notes.....it's amazing how one thing can ultimately destroy someones life completely or make them a certain way...give them fears...insecurities....false hopes. example: If your father was a drunk douchbag....your gonna grow up fearing drunks. If your father was judgemental and puts out a aggressive tone when he spoke and yelled alot....most likely you will grow up thinking everyone is upset at you and your not good enough...or people are constantly judging you. Were so fragile. So weak.... so completely alone a t every choice we make....alone and yet that choice could change our worlds as we know it. scary.... Why are all the most intelligent people crazy?.....is it that they see the flaws and how disgusting this world is.....if you think how many intelligent men have killed themselves it's numerous...and if they didn't kill themselves they were some kind of "basket case" Hilter.....one of the most genius men who has ever lived....as much as we hate hearing it, it's true. He killed million in a way to rid the world from what he thought was filth.....to make the "perfect man" in his eye...by eliminating jews, handicapped people, gypsies, anyone that didn't look to his liking. horrible yes but read his book...he's genus as hell. Another genus man we all love to hate. Mr. Marilyn Manson. Not only are his lyrics so powerful but they make such important statements about life. True he uses extremely morbid and shocking ways to do so....but it makes you remember....Honestly i just finished his biography he's insanely intelligent. He does so many things on stage that appear horrid and wrong....like placing a naked women in a cage with a filth covered pig on stage.....horrible sounding huh? It's his way of speaking out in art of how women are treated so horridly...how men are pigs and filthy unworthy scum....and yet us as women lock ourselves into that cage time and time again. read his book even if u hate him he's smart....twisted yes..but who isn't..he reminds me so much of myself minus the drugs and the constant sex..... if u can get past that and ignore the graphic descriptions in those parts it's a rather amazing read. i don't know...i dont want to go into details of my life tho it doesnt much matter everyone is on myspace now no one will see this. all i can say is stuff is hard right now very hard....i'm living tho What else is new in my life, i've been taking my aggression out in a new way...through my lyrics. I'm in a band now. Vocals....yeah never knew i could sing all my life i never did "real" for anyone ha goes back to that one thing scars ya. When i was young at my babysitters with my sister...her and nina i think it was told me to sing i was little and scared i did so and they were like wtf?! thats like talking u cant sing. i always wondered how much progress i wwould have made vocally if i wasnt afraid to sing for people all those years....i've always secretly adore it. Now my friends got me to come out of that shell. Everyone that has heard my voice and my lyrics has loved it.... I write all the lyrics....we have about 6 or 7 songs at teh moment. i suppose thats it....yeahh the end | 
